Fear

I am in fear...fear of being jobless. What will happen to me, i dont really care. But, what will happen to my family?
Ever since i joint Maersk (a so-called huge & grand international shipping & logistics company, i feel insecurity in-hand. Lots of things happenned in here since i joint which i dont really agree. How they handle things sometimes like a child or immature. They dont really follow the Malaysian Labor Law. They dont allow staff to have a union. They cut off most staff benefit & give more to those who actually dont need much. I dont know yet how to describe this. But, i will in future postings. My job as 1 of the executives here does not guarantee my future career enhancement. I am in fear...

Was i being used...?

hmm...."daddy" aka bos kacau...will continue about this later....
orait. today 9/4/09 baru leh sambung...
I was doing some thinking few days back which reminds me or actually woke me up from dreaming / thinking of all good things from others....
Last time, i took Herbalife for my slimming program. But, after 2 months of consumption, my weight was like a yo-yo. I've followed the consultant's advice. But, nothing happenned. As usual, yo-yo weight....
have to stop again...Sorry! :-(
The consultant is actually one of frens from high school. She's actually a nice person. 1 of the grade A's students. I dont know whether she is actually sincerely wanted to contact me because we used to be frens, or she just wanted to sell her products or what-ever other reasons. I think that she's sincere....that's what i used to think about others...always positive stuff! :-)
The thing is....after 1 month consumption & a few meet-ups with her, she told me that 1 of the x-schoolmates going to organize a so-called meet-up with ole frens from school. and.....she also told me that they also want to see me & see whether i lost some weight from the program or not...well...i was kinda excited that they suddenly wanted to meet me.
When i arrived at M's house in Sg Buloh, i saw lots of her ole gang there. Even 1 good fren that i wanted to get in touch for years were also there. I was...? I dunno what i felt at that moment. This so-called best fren never wanted to contact me, but...she contacted the rest at the event...? I was a bit surprised. I was trying to get her number from group mailing list & no one from the event replied about it. Some said that they dont know where she is & what;s her latest contact number!.... :-(
When i arrived at M's house, i was greeted, shook hands with 'em & sit. Yes, they're looking at me, observing my size (i guess) & also they commented on my hubby's good looking feature (???...).....
Yes, they were talking to each other....but, not me...i was trying to fit-in by talking something or perhaps add-on something to their conversation...but, that's it. I was like only interrupting their conversation.
I was thinking, why was i actually invited to this event? Just to compare my physical appearance, my weight, etc, etc, etc...? Even when it's already 9.00++pm, no one even moved, except me....& i know...like what used to happen in school, they were talking about me.... :-)
After the event, no 1 contacted me even to say hi...except for the fren consultant asking whether i want to top-up my supplies....
Was i being used? I think so....Better i stay away from 'em & stay put in my own world...like i used to be....
They'll come to find me if they needs help. Until then, i'll remain "hollow girl" to 'em....................................................

Day 5 vs Day 6 vs Day 7 vs Day 8

i'm a fatttt caaattt....i'm a faaaatttt caaatttt....
okeh....latest update.. :-P
Day 5 vs Day 6 = 156.8p vs 157.6p = +0.8p
Day 6 vs Day 7 = 157.6p vs 157.8p = +0.2p
Day 7 vs Day 8 = 157.8p vs 155.8p = -2.0p
if i'm not mistaken to change pound back to kg, will be POUND divided by 2.2 = kg
so, in my case, it'll be 155.8pound / 2.2 = 70.8 kg...
after 1 week...my weight was like a yoyo. It went up & down & up & down...as at this morning, it went 155.8p. I was excited at the beginning. But, then...i remembered that my weight wont go steadily stable...it'll may go up anytime....what a tiring week. I have another week to go before i go for weighing & measuring thingy at Totalife in Puchong. The consultant, might get shock...She expexted me to lose at least 2 kg per week. My feelings..? I'm not happy..ya...i'm not happy & very stressfull. If i able to reach at 60kg, i'll believe that this thing works & i think i'm gonna start this business. But, now...i'm not happy...like a fat cat above...

Birthdate & Wish List

Guys...pls update your birthdate & wish list...Birthday sekali je...shouldnt be more than once...hahahaha...& your wish list...u guys may insert pictures as well. The list can strecth as long as u want... :-P
My Wish List :-
@@@ Christian Dior Blusher (pink)
@@@ Reebok Yoga Mat
@@@ Skipping Rope
@@@ Plant with colorful jellies (yellow + lite green + green)
@@@ Sheep Wool Carpet at Flea Market
@@@ Brand New Sport Shoes
@@@ Get thin!!!
@@@ ....will add more...

I Am Tired

Today i am a bit tired. Dunno why. Maybe lambat makan...or maybe i took less sugar & salt for the last 5 days...maybe i have a high blood pressure or super low blood pressure...maybe i think too much. Balancing my timing between work / home / kids / own time...In fact, i dont have my own time. That's why once in a while, i need to relieve myself by going anywhere with frens - movies / window shopping / just hanging out
Being with 3 males at home, makes me tired. Not because there are males. I'm not shallow or stereotype. But, their attitude towards things are more to typical male. What can i do? If i dont start talking / yelling (yes...sometimes)/ babbling (which is against my nature), they just leave things disorganize...i hate that! I hate to talk too much...i hate to see my house with lots of things lying around on the floor...i hate lizards...i hate to see things DISORGANIZE....errrgghhh...!
Sometimes, i just leave everything....i dont wanna be their so-called "maid" as i am the one who clear all the mess. Let it be...Wanna see how long they can stand being in a mess. The result??....frustrating...they tend to leave & let things in a mess....

Day 3 vs Day 4 vs Day 5

Day 3 = 158.8 pound } Difference of
Day 4 = 158.2 pound } 0.6 pound
:-I

Day 4 = 158.2 pound } Difference of
Day 5 = 156.8 pound } 1.4 pound
:-)

Day 2 vs Day 3

Frust!
Day 2 158.8pound
Day 3 158.8pound
no changes? though i did 1 pilates + 1 set of lunges...?
heerrkkhh...!!!