I was too Angry Last Nite / Marah Tak Terhingga..?

Just because of 2-pc of jersy-material of tudung, i was too angry with him. He simply do things without thinking more. "Never care less" - this is what he is!....aaarrgghhh...!
I bought these tudung at Danga Bay Johor. RM25 each after negotiated with the owner. So, i bought 2 pieces coz much2 cheaper than in Shah Alam's price. The owner claimed that the front part (awning) of the tudung is specially made & when we wear it, the curve will follow the curve of our face.So, whenever we wear it, it;ll be perfectly nice on our face. Yes! It;s true & i am happy with it...Regret that i only bought for 2 pieces. Then, i care for it. I hang the tudung properly, even washed it properly & hang to dry in nicely manner so that the front-part wont break.
But, he simply take off the tudung from the hanger & lump together with the rest of other dry clothes on the couch. I was going to take it from the laundry area last nite, & i couldnt find it at all....! I already panic...i was afraid that he'll simply do things as i expected - lump & dump everything together...i didnt want to simply jump to conclusion so, i look around at the hanging ironed clothes area - didnt see any...i went back to the laundry area, twice - none. I went to the closet, also didnt c a single thing....arrgghhh!!!....then i went to the last place - dumping clothes at the couch....there it was...found both being lump & being seated at the bottom or dumped clothes.....i was really really really angry! I even shouted in angry & agony....why on earth does he did this to me! Why cant he think more? Why...? I've told him many times before that this tudung can be find at the SACC but the price is RM60-70 per piece. I;ve bought 1 at the PKNS, but, the front part is not the same. I even bought it at RM48 per piece & am not satisfy with it at all. Which part actually dont register to his head? Why dont he want to listen to whatever i told him? Why cant he care for more instead of care for less?????.....
The thing is :
@ i told him dozens of times about the price & quality which is actually hard to find. Those were sold at RM10 - 30 here is all fake
@ i am thinking of starting fresh next year bit by bit by wearing tudung to work, & collecting / buying a number of tudung specially this type, but he ruined it!
I am so damn angry!
He wanted me to wear tudung - that;s all he can think of!...He only want me to wear tudung but never care for other things - solat, puasa, zakat, etc etc etc was never being mentioned from his mouth! IT IS the other way round. I;m the 1 who ask him to do all these things. For me, i have to think / do by myself! You know what...sometimes i really call him a SHIT. (yaaa...sometimes i dont care the consequences during the end of the world coz i was really mad with him...i know it;ll be a BIG SIN...but, i was too mad! Though i never spell it out from my mouth only from my heart - it's still a big sin)
Sakit nye hati bila die dtg dekat semalam, lain kali basuh sendiri, gantung sendiri, angkat sendiri...balas balik mmg la basuh sendiri, gantung sendiri tp awak tu p angkat & campur dgn kain lain apsal? Kenapa angkat kalo tak reti nak jaga? Bengang...bengang...bengang....suruh aku pakai tudung, tp mende2 camni takmo tolong jaga...nampak sgt buat mende, sekadar lepas batuk tepi tangga takmo buat sungguh2....hidup hari2 pun bersepah...suke sgt menyepah...nak tolong pun dgn cara sepah die...walhal die dah nampak cara aku buat, teratur...menyenangkan dia aje...part ni mcm tak pernah masuk otak die...buat properly biar the next step tu tak perlu nak buat kerja 2X....part mana yg dia tak nampak...itu yg kadang2 keluar perkataan BODOH dari hati aku...dah lama being together pun takleh nak buat properly...so, hari ni aku malas nak ckp dgn dia...even sampai next week...target aku nak cukupkan tudung before year 2010. Kalau aku tak jumpa tudung2 murah kat sini, i might even drive to Danga Bay & buy the tudung. Pedulik apa....my car, my fuel, my Zing card...pernah ke selama ni die dgn rela hati nak sponsor tudung aku? Tak pernah sekalipun!...tanye pun idak, janji ape2 pun idak...pandai2 sendiri la...selama hari ni aku yg beli sendiri...duit aku sendiri...kalau dia ade bayar pun, itupun sebab aku mintak...mintak bayarkan...die pulak mcm la aku tak nampak bila die keluarkan wallet - muke tak ikhlas...mcm ni punye peel tp suruh aku pakai tudung? Mane aku tak bengang???? Nak beli baju kurung pun, nak kene mintak2 dgn dia...langsung tak pk or tak tanye aku perlukan ke idak....ape punye lelaki mcm nih...???? Sakit ati aku!...

Frens...?? In the Office...

Rather not to say that some of them are not frens but more to colleagues / co-worker...why?
Today, i was being left alone. Kath is on 1/2 day leave coz tomorrow is X-mas & she's taking the chance of utilising company;s benefit - 1/2 day FREE leave given by company on the eve of her celebration. It;s ok for me...Melina also on leave. She;s also celebrating X-mas...i can say that she;s a hard-core church activist...It's fine for me too...
So, i've stranded at the front-desk. Have to replace Melina;s place. Whole day long. Though i hate it, but, i have to do it. It;s HR people who asked SOS about this. So, whenever the receptionist not around, ADM have to back-up. They dont care whether we have to go the ladies, or need a 2-minute coffee break or need some food for lunch break or at least a 1 hour break or not...The thing is, somebody must be standing by at the front-desk at ALL TIME...repeat....at ALL TIME...i keep on cursing the 'one' from HR who ask this thing - Shireen Ng!....when i keep on thinking of this, to me, she;s like a bitch. Huh!
So, today....2 x-colleagues came over & ask Diyana & a few others for a lunch-out together at Subang Parade. Diyana did ask me (thru e-mail along together with other people...just sekadar berbasa-basi...hahahah) So, i said..."i have to be a "jaga" at the front. Sorry! i cant go...just "tapau" for me coz i am really hungry". I saw only a few names in the email not including 2 people who drives to work but, always want to 'tumpang' my car to 'tapau' food during lunch break. Then, i saw them walked out together with the rest of people...pegi makan, without even asking me whether i have food or i need food or whatever. They just go...Frust? yeah...They dont even care...When they need me, they'll look for me. When they dont need me, they dont even bother about me at all...huh!...& then, for most of the time during lunch break, they want to follow me because i drive. They dont want to drive coz wanna save fuel for their car...What a pathetic! As if i dont need to save anything for myself. At least if i want things, i try to get it by myself. Dont want to depend on others. Dont take advantage on others....They're good frens to me in the office? Naaahhh....they barely speak to me. As i said before, they dont care....!...aaarrgghhh...! Why i keep on seeing / dealing / getting these kind of people...Not that i think / feel that i am a perfect person...i am not...But, i try my best to do good to others, to be sincere with them...But, people are doing these things to me...how pathetic! & how frustrated....like my mom / my ustadz or ustadzah during shool days said, "if we do good to others, others will do the same to you or you will get good things in return"...seems like the value of sincerety, honesty & be good to others are going to be perished....

With You - Chris Brown

I have cold feet!

My job search continues.....after a few times of rejections without being called for interviews, at last, IKA (Asia) Sdn Bhd called me. It's supposed to be tomorrow (23/12/2009) @ 9am...but, then, i had cold feet few days back...then, yesterday until today i was thinking or perhaps feels uneasy of going there for the interview. My heart says 'dont go'...& i also felt that i shouldnt go. Why? I dunno....normally, i trust my heart & what i feel...for no certain reason but, in the end, i'll know something not good / got something good....hmmmm....
A few days back, i always have the feeling / phobia of sitting in an interview session specially in a room with many interviewers......huh! It;s actually torturing me! ....hahahaha...
then, yesterday i felt that i shouldnt go at all....Ayang yet to know about this...but, i think he'll be mad...hahaha....

Wish List d BDO...now turn to be d Malaysia...

Remember last time when i tell u guys about my wish list in Bandung? Seems like i dont bring enough cash / standby enough cash for shopping in BDO....tak cukup!....peerrgghh....
Things that i looked for : (hahaha....exagerate lak...betul ke eja nih?....) >< like this hahahaha....but, actually >< like this la...
, & even looked for this for my beloved 'atok' tu la...utk sape lg kan.... ....
for those clothes, yg tensionnye coz i couldnt find my size...chet! For that watch, i found it, but the price....fuuuhhh...! Quite expensive...almost 1m...hahaha...not in million ringgit malaysia...but almost 1million ruppiah...almost RM500 gak le...i only bring IR1.4million....hmmmm
So now, it'll become my Wish List in Malaysia...saw my payslip yesterday. Only 1 month bonus....huh! Frustrating, but Alhamdulillah....at least ade gak salary & bonus rite...Bonus base on KPI, yet to be evaluated la...this 1 will be in February 2010...& will be conpensated in April. (I am trying to calm myself on this...asking my heart to wait for it...if i go now, i wont be compensated for that at all...arrgghh...!!!)
So, need to shop for this later...have to budget, of course...& dunno yet whether i can get all these things by this year...wanna know my new wish list? Here it is :
1) GUESS watch for him & for me...(it;s actually got some sentimental value...got this watch after a few date with him...it was a pair - 1 for him & 1 for me)
2) need to decorate my house...now waiting for the kitchen cabinet to settled. others - guess have to wait for their turn...huhuhuhuh
3) need to re-personalised my personality....this 1 will be a surprise to lots of people...hahahaha
4) need to buy a treadmill....have to work-out from home. cant go to the gym anymore...need lots of time like last time...& i need to sacrifice a lot of things too - money + time
5) need to find a new & secure job....
6) i want to register for language class...perhaps Japanese...?
7) need to contact suppliers & actively doing my online biz...
8) Haj by the age of 35...hopefully can do this...but, i cannot quit from my job then.../ stay working, not being a housewife
9) a lot of things la.........aiyoyoyoyoyo....

hmmm....???.....

i just wonder how can a person dont care about other's feelings? they dont care how they deliver the things to others as long as their work is done. "dont care...dont care...dont care....as long as my work is done!"
hmmmm....isnt it working in the same company specially within the same department needs everyone to being cooperative, tolerative, understanding, & at least 'have-a-heart' attitude...?
*sigh!*